Not As Exciting As I'd Hoped...

I haven't written much these last weeks. Yes, I started a new job but it's boring. Nothing interesting has happened and there's not even any good gossip.

My tailbone is slowly healing - the constant pain is still there, but it's only about half of what it was. I'm careful about how I move, but I've been going to the gym and trying to walk the whole time. It's kind of demoralizing to plod along at a level 2 when I usually walk at a 4 and everybody else is jogging. But it'll get better. Can't rush it.

The puppy is adorable but so much energy! We've got to get her trained, be it a class or a book. She jumps on everybody and bites really hard with her sharp little puppy teeth. Tomorrow is her first trip to the groomers, so that should be fun. She's getting a bath and her nails trimmed. I totally want to have them painted, but the husband says no. I may just do it anyway. Her favorite toys now are frog, moose, twig, and pinecone. It is pathetic, but so cute.

I have to dish about one of my fellow bridesmaids. The bride wants navy blue shoes - any style, any heel, any material, just navy. Now, being that it's summer, she's realized it may be difficult for us to find navy (actually, I've seen a lot of navy, but they're mostly pumps and I want "sexy" and/or "strappy"). So she's decided we can wear black. And one of the bridesmaids has jumped on that - she wants to buy black flats cause "she can wear them again." Me, I want to give the bride what she wants, so I pulled rank and called for a vote. Luckily, the other 2 want to at least try and find navy - we have until the end of April. If nothing else, she can go to Payless and have some dyed navy, then dye them black afterward. Not a big deal.

That's pretty much it.

We Like Her, We Really Like Her

They've cast Sally Field in this pilot and today is her test day. They're doing some steadicam work with her through the office and she actually comes into my office and stands by my desk for about 5 seconds. The second time she came in she asked me how I was doing. Now, I'm not usually interested, it's kind of neat to have a star come into my world and be nice to me.

PUSH & Puppies

I started my new job, this TV pilot. It's been ok, mostly slow. We were supposed to start shooting on Saturday, but now we're pushing for a week. I don't really care, it just means I get another week of work. I just hope it doesn't interfere with anything on the back end.

I'm not sure why we're pushing, but I think it has to do with casting. As far as I know, we only have 2 actors cast. Neither of which would make me want to watch the show. It's kind of depressing. The husband keeps asking me why I can't work on any cool pilots. Oh well.

We may be getting a dog. We went to the pet adoption fair last Saturday and there was an adorable beagle/terrier mix, only 3 months old with my name! I took it as a pretty good omen and filled out an application, but didn't really think we'd get her. I figured someone with a yard would have the best chance. But they called and said we were on top on the pile. The woman's supposed to come out on Thursday, but I'm not sure if it's a home inspection or if she's bringing the puppy. Anyway, we're worried about the kitties, especially Baxter. I'm going to have to ask the woman if we can send the dog back if they can't get along. I have to keep the cats happy first and foremost. But we're going to give it a try.

Wish us luck.

Last Day of Freedom

This is it, I go back to work tomorrow. Hopefully my blogs will be more interesting, but considering this job is not as glam as everybody thinks it is, probably not. But I'll try my best to pass on the dirt without getting sued.

So This Is Where I'll Be For The Next 8 Weeks

Went by my new office today to drop off my boxes and fill out the parking paperwork. I'm going to be working on the Warner Ranch. Sounds all "wide open spaces," but it's way not. I guess at some point in time it could have been considered a ranch, but now it's in the middle of the San Fernando Valley. But it's new to me so I'm looking forward to taking a tour...

It was really hot in the office and it doesn't help that I share it with 2 other people. Maybe today was an exception. I'm hoping. I hate sitting at work in a pool of sweat. I can't just waltz in and take over the thermostat, though. How rude would that be? I do hope they get me a bookcase or something. I've got to have my binders and books handy. The other women didn't seem to have too much stuff, and I don't think any toys. Not my type of office, but I can do without for 2 months. It's a good thing I didn't take anything in with me today. I figured it would be better to scope it out and I'm glad I left that box at home. At least I'll have internet access!

I'm really hoping this job stays as easy as it seems. The money's not the best and I don't want to put out too much effort for what I'm going to be making. Usually, jobs that people claim are a piece of cake turn into a big nasty mess. Fingers crossed!

My Blog Is Boring

I can't wait to go back to work. I've been reading other blogs and (insert title here). Being stuck at home all day with 3 cats just isn't all that.

Except for the drama of the email from the producer's assistant, who I will refer to as "GB" - Glorified Babysitter (she doesn't babysit the producer, she babysits his kids, but he likes her and gave her a job).

Anyway, GB and I have known each other for a couple of years. Thinking we were friends, I wrote an email to her commenting on the husband's state of mind while waiting for the producer to get back to him about a project. She took it the wrong way and proceeded to lecture us on how busy the producer was and how he had other things to do besides help the husband. Bad move. I wrote another email straightening her out, telling her we weren't charity and if the producer wasn't really interested, he could just forget about it.

That produced a response that cursed email for its inability to convey emotions. I keep thinking, if you aren't sure what someone means, don't fire off an email that blasts them for something that isn't what they mean. ASK!

Got to go see Shrink now. More later...

Faux Friend

I sent an email to a friend and she totally misinterpreted it. She sent back a rather snotty reply that has left me feeling stunned and hurt. I know I'll be angry later, but right now I just can't believe she would think so little of me. Her accusation has left me dumbfounded and numb. I guess she's not the friend I thought she was, if she doesn't even take the time to verify what I mean before writing such ugly stuff.

Only A Pipe Thru My Head Would Feel This Bad

I have a headache. Actually, I've had it since last night and it won't go away. It's not as bad as it was, but keeps threatening to return in full force if I stay vertical for too long. I tried to describe it to the husband by saying if, in a past life, I had ever impaled myself on a pipe thru my left eye out the back of my skull, then my headache would be phantom pain from that. Yes, it's weird, but that's how it feels. At least the nausea went away.

So I'm taking it easy today, lying around and reading. But I'm getting pretty bored. I start work on the 28th (finally). I'm going to be doing a pilot for Warner Bros called Conviction. I don't have any idea who's going to be in it - it's not been cast yet according to the trades. Usually, all I really want to know is when do I start, do I get benefits, where's the office, and what's my rate. But since other people want to know who the star will be, I've gotten better at asking. I still think my questions are the most important and the answers will determine whether or not I take a job. I'm doing my best to not take a job over the hill, cause that hour commute each way really kills me. But if it happens, it happens.

At least I may have something interesting to write about. I totally plan to spill all the tidbits I pick up at work. But I think I'll probably have to leave names out if it's at all possible I'd get in trouble. Good stuff, I'll name names. Bad stuff, you'll have to guess. Like Wonder Bitch from my last show. More about her later...

Drive-Thru Ordering

I worked in a couple of fast food restaurants when I was younger, so I think I have every right to blog about this issue. I know that most people ordering food are idiots who have to be guided thru the process. You have to ask what size, what kind of drink, how many, etc. But I'm starting to think that part of the problem lies in the people taking the order. They just don't seem to listen. Now, I try to order my stuff as succinctly as possible. I'll say "a number 7 combo, mayo only, biggie size with a sprite." If I manage to get thru all of that without getting interrupted, the first question is "do you want that biggie sized?" Then they ask what kind of drink I want. Usually, though, I'm interrupted about 3 words in with either question. More than once I've actually told the person if they'd let me finish ordering and listen, they'd know what I want. I'm trying to do my part - why can't they do theirs?

Another favorite is the guy at McD's who, although I was still more than a foot from pulling up to the window, still wanted my money. I looked at him and asked if it could wait until I at least made it to the window. When I got there, he managed to ignore me, taking an order or something for a good 30 seconds. I drove away without my food. I don't need that. Just plain rude.

Anyway, a change in breakfast today. I had black beans with my egg. I actually did go to the gym for my cardio. I've got to fit into that dress, so I'm back at it. I even did up a graph to chart my progress and hung it in the bathroom. Plus, I've listed my first goal and reward. I choose not to reveal the weight, but the reward will be a new tattoo. I've been wanting another one and this will be a good reason. I haven't figured out what my reward will be if I make it to my second goal, as I'm not sure it's going to happen. One step at a time...

Supergirl Underpants

Yes, I bought myself Supergirl underpants at Target today. Don't know why. I was looking for stuff to use as wedding shower prizes and there they were. Not that I was looking at underpants as prizes, this isn't "16 Candles."

Anyway, thinking about going out of town this week. Maybe Sea World, maybe Big Bear. It's all still in the early stages.

I need to talk to Shrink about how I trust people too much. I guess I'm naive, but I believe people are going to do what they say. And out here that's just stupid. Most people in SoCal are only in it for themselves. When am I going to learn?

I did turn down a job today. It was for a pilot at Fox. I know the money in TV is bad, so that really wasn't the issue. The accountant who offered the job sent a really bad e-mail. Is it wrong to judge someone by their e-mail? She actually felt it was ok to tell me that it was only a 3 person office and that we would all need to help each other out. Now, I try to help out whenever I can. I hate sitting around, twiddling my thumbs. But when that phrase pops up, it always means I have to help the A/P person but no one's going to be helping me. No one else ever knows payroll. The only help I ever get is stuffing envelopes and that's the easy part. So I said no.

I did get my bridesmaid dress in today. We actually ordered dresses from Chadwick's. Very nice navy, floor length ones. I ordered 2 in 2 different sizes. Unfortunately, the larger size is a smidge too small. I don't think I'll have any problem losing enough to fit into it. I was just hoping to be able to lose enough to fit into the smaller one. But it's only Feb 8. There's still time and hope!

Breakfast was beans and an egg. Sounds weird, but I do like it, especially when the beans are nuked.

Matron of Honor & Dogs

I'm going to be the Matron of Honor for my best friend's wedding in May. It's in Vegas and I've got so many wonderfully evil things planned. I can't really go into too much detail here, but I will tell all after the big day.

Anyway, I went to her and the fiance's place in Carlsbad this weekend, to meet a couple of the other people in the wedding party and to get a guest list out of her for the bachelorette party and the shower. She's notoriously unorganized and you kind of have to sit on her to get things done. It worked out really well, though. I got my lists and everybody was really cool. The other bridesmaids liked my ideas so far and added some great ones of their own. It was nice to get together with a group of friends like that. I wish we had a group like that up here. I mean, we probably could get something started, but it'd be mainly people I know from work and the husband may not really be into that. But I do miss hanging out with other people and I think it would be good for us. I still want to have a party and invite couples... We'll see.

The husband and I went to the pound today to look at dogs. We already have 3 cats, but we both want a dog. We thought we'd look at small ones, and maybe get a puppy that would grow up thinking the cats were its pack. They had a few, but none that had any real personality. But then we saw Moose and Rocky - great big Alaskan Malamutes (at least one of them, the other may have been a mix). Man, those were good dogs. If we had a yard, they'd have both come home with us. It sucks to live in SoCal in a condo. It makes me want to go out and buy a house, just to get them. Good dogs. Damn.

Lazy People and Babies

If you've ever been to Target, and who hasn't, you've seen the exit doors. Usually there are 2 types: a set of automatic doors and one push door. They are right next to each other and are clearly marked. They even have a "guard rail" between them, why I don't know. Anyway, I was in Target today with my cart full of cat food, litter, new purse, assorted wedding shower game prizes, etc. I've pushed my cart towards exit when I observe 2 things I claim as proof of the enormity of human laziness. First, a woman with a cart heads purposefully into the cart corral before realizing she's not getting out that way. I can only assume she went in there because the "doors" were already open - no waiting. Second, a man with one bag walked up to the manual door and when it didn't open for him, stopped, backed up, stepped to his left, and walked through the automatic doors. Hello! Push! It's really easy to do, just pick up your arm and apply pressure with your hand, following through until you're outside! I just can't believe people are that lazy.

Met with Shrink today. Talked to her about my renewed interest in having a baby. Growing up, I wanted a big family. How could I not? I love being from a big family. Then I got to a certain age where I decided I didn't want kids at all. I was convinced for a long time, more than a decade, that I was not going to have children, no matter what. Sometime in there I met the husband and we got married. He wasn't into having kids either, so we were just fine. Then I got a little older and thought, well, maybe one would be ok. Not that I'd try for it, but if it happened, that'd be alright. At some point in that phase, I decided I would have a kid by the time I was 35 or not at all. I didn't want to be an old mom. My mom was 46 when I was born and as much as I love all of the stuff I learned from my folks, my mom is now 80 and my dad is 77. I just turned 34 and they're not going to be around forever. I know I've been lucky to have them this long. Not everybody is. I just don't want to do it to my kid.

So my self-imposed deadline is drawing near. If I'm going to have a kid while I'm no older than 35, I have to be pregnant by May of 2006. And that's cutting it close. But the husband isn't up for it. Not that he's totally against kids, he just doesn't think we're financially secure enough for a baby. Like most people ever are! I understand his point, but it's hard to argue with biology. Plus, with other things going on, I'm starting to worry I might not be able. So it's been a weird week for me. Having a baby is a big step. I just don't know what's going to happen.

Had a bar for breakfast. I've been doing really well this week except for the fact I donated blood yesterday and had the cookies and juice afterward. I love those pecan sandies! I still went down 0.8 pounds, so it's all good.

GI Joe Taken Hostage!

There some idiot militant group claiming to have captured an American soldier and there's video to prove it. Except for the fact the soldier in question is a plastic 12" action figure, possibly named Cody. How stupid do they think we are? I mean, I know our leadership looks and acts like a badly trained monkey, but come on, we have 10 year-old kids with their parents' super-8 cameras who can fake an alien invasion better than that.

Speaking of monkeys, I don't like 'em. Chimps and gorillas are ok and I can deal with orangs, too. But the rest of them, not interested. Nasty creepy little things. Always look like they're trying to figure out how to get out of their cages and pluck out your eyeballs. I skip right past them at the zoo.

Finally got my birthday card from my parents. It came today, but the neighbor got it in her box by mistake. I'm glad they didn't forget. Now I can call and tell them I got it, cause I didn't say anything yesterday in case they hadn't sent one. Why they wouldn't, I don't know, but it wasn't the best birthday and I was feeling pessimistic.

Since I'm officially back on track(!), breakfast was kidney beans and string cheese. I wanted to cook an egg, but could barely get out of bed. Maybe tomorrow...

Back on Track?

Feb 1 seems as good a day as any to get back to my diet. I'm doing South Beach and I really do like it, even though I've had a rough time recently. But I bought the cookbook and I'm going to do it right. I've got until 5/21 to get ready for Sped's wedding and I want to lose 20 pounds, although I'd be happy to lose 10 and maintain. I should have started earlier, but yesterday was my birthday and I had hoped to go out to dinner, maybe have cake. Didn't happen. But now I'm ready to go. Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Yep, today is my birthday. I have no big plans. In fact, the only thing I should be doing is picking up my prescription before it gets too much later...

But I wanted to note that I have been infected by the husband. I love flowers. I love sending them and I love getting them. But the husband doesn't because in his philosophy, flowers die. Meaning you should buy something that lasts longer than a couple of days. So I went to the farmer's market yesterday to buy myself some flowers for my birthday and I realized as I stood looking at the different vendors displays, that I couldn't do it. I couldn't spend money on something that, although pretty, was going to be ugly and dead in 3 days. So I bought 2 plants instead - kalanchoe. Contrary to the husband's joking, I have a fairly green thumb and I love kalanchoe. Mine always bloom several times a year, especially here in SoCal. So I bought 2 in colors I don't have and brought them home. I think I'm going to go to Lowe's and buy some nice pots, since I still have a giftcard from Christmas to use. And I think I'm going to try and propagate some of the older ones I have. They get so straggly.

Other than picking up the drugs, I really don't have firm plans for today. I have a coupon for an outlet store that expires today, but it's a bit of a drive to get there. Maybe. I do have to proof the husband's work and send it off to a producer friend, but that'll take 20 minutes at most. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Triggers

It's incredibly easy to brainwash a cat. Not that most of them are mental giants to begin with, but it really shouldn't be so easy.

I didn't set out with the intention of brainwashing them. I just got into the habit of asking "Guess what time it is?" every night before I gave them wet food or tuna. Actually, I said "Guess what time it is?" and Baxter meowed, then I would say "That's right! It's time to feed the kitties!" And I did it all in that annoying cutesy voice one usually uses with babies or blondes.

I realized they were well and truly gone the night the husband and I tried saying different words, but in the same tone of voice. They absolutely responded as if nothing had changed, meowing and heading towards the kitchen. Then we tried saying the right words, but in a monotone. Nothing. They didn't even look our way. I thought it was pretty funny at the time.

Eventually, though, it got to be too much. All we had to say was "guess" in the right tone and they'd be off to the kitchen, meowing. Sometimes, all we need is the hard "g" and Baxter looks like he's going to pop from excitement. And I didn't want to tease them, so they always got the treats.

Now, if we could only train them to retrieve drinks or something more useful...
Considering the damage they can do with those claws, maybe we should consider something along the lines of mercenaries. At least then they could pay for their own damn tuna.

Back on Track?

I've been crap on my diet lately and I have to do better. I've got Sped's wedding in May and I've ordered my dress a size too small. Got no choice now! Besides, Sped's doing my diet and has lost 15 pounds. Can't let her beat me. The husband and I are going to try Nutrisystem. I don't know how it'll work but at least I won't have to shop or cook. Always a good thing!

I read girlfiend's blog yesterday where she talks about her (possibly unnatural) love of her Dyson vacuum. She claims it gets cat puke out of sisal. If that's true, I want a Dyson of my own. All 3 of my cats puke on a regular basis. Sometimes it's hair, sometimes it's unchewed cat food, sometimes it's just gross liquidy stuff. Most of the time I can't deal with cleaning it up while it's still warm. That is just too much. I'm hoping to replace my carpet with hardwood floors someday. But I do have one cat who will drag himself, hacking the whole way, from the tiled part of the house to a nice carpeted spot before he actually hurls. I have seen him do this and if it wasn't so gross, it'd be funny/pathetic. Another cat manages to hurl wherever he is, be it on the sofa, over my shoes, etc. Makes me really want a dog sometimes.

I just have to ask - if that dumbass decided he didn't want to kill himself, why didn't he drive his Jeep off the tracks? I hope he gets the death penalty and I hope it hurts.

Breakfast was gym food - an egg and kidney beans. Sped's been making fake crab and scrambled eggs. I oughta try that.

Almost Alone

Well, the husband almost left me yesterday. It's gotten that bad. I know we still love each other, but it's getting hard to live with each other. I'm not sure what's going to happen. We've got a couple irons in the fire, but I don't know if those'll end up helping our hurting - we can only try.

I know it's not always going to be like this. I just don't know if we're going to be able to hang on until it changes. He thought the only reason I haven't left him is because I'm afraid of being on my own. I hope I made him realize that isn't the case. I am more than capable of being by myself. I can and do deal with pretty much anything. No, the reason I haven't left is because I love him and need him and I don't believe this is how the rest of our lives will go. If I truly thought it wasn't going to get better, I would go.

To change the subject...Went walking in the park yesterday. Yes, it seems a waste of the gym membership, but I really do prefer the park. It's a better, more interesting workout. I'll be back at the gym soon enough, when I go back to work. No way I'm at the park at 6am. Too scary! It was nice out, not too hot. I even did a little jogging but I'm so out of shape for jogging. When we lived in Florida I ran at the park everyday. I did 3 or 4 miles at a time. I miss that but nothing to do about it now. At least there are no mutant ducks here to contest with. Today I did go to the gym to work out with JC, my trainer. I love having a trainer, even though I think it's a bit expensive. We boxed, which is my favorite, but it totally wore me out. Damn good workout.

The husband's getting me an Ipod shuffle for my birthday (Jan 31st). I can't wait! It's smaller than a pack of gum and I can put all of MY music on it and take it to the gym or to work or wherever. No more sharing with him. Yeah! I do wish he'd consider taking me shopping, though. He went through my closet and dumped a bunch of stuff (I was kind of hoping he'd dump more, since I'm incapable of weeding things out) and I need some nice replacements. And he does dress me better than I dress myself. We'll see.

Breakfast has been an egg and kidney beans. Not exciting, but good for working out. I haven't been as good on my eating as I should be - it's the stress, but I'm slowly getting better.

A Change Of Venue

I got my new towels and they are sooooo nice. The bathroom already looks different, but I can't wait to see how it looks after I repaint it.

The husband informed me this morning that the hotel we had booked for Comic-Con claims to be haunted. There were apparently several posts about it where people claimed they wouldn't stay there again because of what they witnessed. Although I was a bit wigged, I thought it sounded kind of cool. I've always wanted to experience something supernatural. I'm kind of like Mulder that way, I want to believe. But the Scully in me hasn't seen any proof, yet.
Anyway, it was all good until he continued with the news that they are also supposed to have terrible service and basically be a bad hotel. He went off to take a shower and I checked - he was right. I looked at travel sites and the vast majority of reviews weren't just bad, they bordered on pleas to avoid the dump.

So I went looking for another hotel. Now, Comic-Con hotels booked up within, oh, 3 hours of opening the registration. So it didn't look good. The closest places were in Old Town, which meant a trolley ride. Normally that's not a bad thing, but with 60 pounds of books to lug around, it is.

Eventually I went to my standby - Orbitz. And I found the coolest looking hotel, only 3 blocks from the convention center! Of course, they weren't offering any discount rates, but I figure, what the hey! This trip is also our vacation. I know, we went to London, but that was our honeymoon. Totally different. So I booked this place and I'm so psyched. The Hotel Solamar right next to the Gaslamp and the new stadium. I hope it turns out as cool as it seems - rooftop pool, fitness center, dvd players, internet access, etc. I'll let you know, but it's not until July.

I've also been looking at stuff for Sped's hen night. Wow, they've got some pretty kinky stuff available out there.

So far, that's been my day. I've started the laundry and taken out the trash. I have to clean the litter box but I hate doing it so I always put it off as long as possible. I even did some research on self-cleaning litter boxes. There's one I like, but not sure if we're ready for that yet. I've also had bad kitty-mom thoughts about how nice it would be to get a dog that does it's business outside. Yes, I know you have to pick it up, but at least it's not right in the house, taking up valuable bathroom space and stinkin' the place up. But I would never do anything to my kitties. Not on purpose, at least, so the thing with the knitting needle doesn't count. Besides, she doesn't seem to miss that fang at all.

Breakfast was another bar. So now I've got 2 brands I really like. Maybe I'll actually say what they are, if it'll get me some for free!

Yes, Words Can Hurt

This blog is not going to be as witty as it should be, as it's the second time I've written it. When I tried to publish the first one, it vanished. Damn. Anyway...

The unemployment office was a total waste of time. I was late getting there because I forgot how bad traffic is after 8am (which is when I'm usually already at work). My appointment was at 9 and I made it by 9:12 - I know 12 minutes is fashionably late for parties, but when it comes to getting money from the gov't, it's just late. So I handed over my ID and my paperwork and took a seat for about 3 minutes, then they called my name. The very nice woman behind the counter checked my ID again. She said they were checking for fraud; I guess by making applicants show up to prove they really existed. Then she complimented me on filling my paperwork out correctly and gave me a list of entertainment industry websites. Now, that would have been pretty cool, but 1) I don't need them and 2) anybody with 2 brain cells to rub together could have found them. She also told me I could go to Van Nuys from now on and use that office's fax machines and stuff for free. So I thanked her and went on my way. I was in my car by 9:25.

Actually, what happened to me between leaving the office and driving away was the most interesting part of my day. There was a man walking towards the front door as I was leaving and he said something along the lines of "how is your morning." I'm not exactly sure, since I don't pay too much attention to what people passing on the street say, but I was polite and said ok, or fine, or something. I continued to my car and by the time I got there, I realized he had followed me. I wasn't scared, but I was nervous and I couldn't manage to pick my sunglasses up from the seat, so I climbed in and tried not to sit on them.

So I'm in my car and he walks up to the window and, being a polite person for the most part, I rolled down my window a bit. He asked me if I was from the Midwest - yeah, weird question. I told him I was from Tennessee and he went into this spiel about having gone to school in North Dakota and how he was always looking to meet someone who wasn't from California and did I want to go and get coffee? I told him I didn't think my husband would like that and he replied very calmly that I didn't have to tell my husband. Wow. So I told him I appreciated the offer but that I wasn't interested and he finally walked away. I was so freaked out by the whole thing I called the husband and left a message telling him all about it.

I've never considered myself attractive. I'm 5'5" tall and I weigh more than I should. I do workout and I'm pretty muscular, so I look better than you'd think from my numbers, but I still think I'm fat. I've always been fat or considered myself fat (same thing for me). And right now my hair is about an inch long and ranges in color from blond to faded red to darker red to that unfortunate blue (with some spots of what can only be called purple). So that doesn't help, either. But I've never really had any experience with dating and stuff - never had a real boyfriend before the husband. I mean, I don't usually even recognize flirting - I just think it's two people chatting, having a good time. But it's hard to miss an invitation for coffee. That man asking me out put me in a total panic. Yikes. Stupid, but I just don't understand why anyone would want anything to do with me unless they already knew me. I don't see any visual appeal. Nothing you look twice at if I walked by on the street.

I'm going to have to talk to Shrink about this, but it'll come back to one thing that we've already discussed. It's something one of my brothers told me when I was little and already fat. "Guys don't dig fat chicks." Yes, it was the 70's and I believed it from that moment on. Still do...

I've forgotten to write what I had for breakfast. Today was an egg and some kidney beans (met my trainer at the gym). Yesterday was a bar - French Toast, I think.