Almost Alone

Well, the husband almost left me yesterday. It's gotten that bad. I know we still love each other, but it's getting hard to live with each other. I'm not sure what's going to happen. We've got a couple irons in the fire, but I don't know if those'll end up helping our hurting - we can only try.

I know it's not always going to be like this. I just don't know if we're going to be able to hang on until it changes. He thought the only reason I haven't left him is because I'm afraid of being on my own. I hope I made him realize that isn't the case. I am more than capable of being by myself. I can and do deal with pretty much anything. No, the reason I haven't left is because I love him and need him and I don't believe this is how the rest of our lives will go. If I truly thought it wasn't going to get better, I would go.

To change the subject...Went walking in the park yesterday. Yes, it seems a waste of the gym membership, but I really do prefer the park. It's a better, more interesting workout. I'll be back at the gym soon enough, when I go back to work. No way I'm at the park at 6am. Too scary! It was nice out, not too hot. I even did a little jogging but I'm so out of shape for jogging. When we lived in Florida I ran at the park everyday. I did 3 or 4 miles at a time. I miss that but nothing to do about it now. At least there are no mutant ducks here to contest with. Today I did go to the gym to work out with JC, my trainer. I love having a trainer, even though I think it's a bit expensive. We boxed, which is my favorite, but it totally wore me out. Damn good workout.

The husband's getting me an Ipod shuffle for my birthday (Jan 31st). I can't wait! It's smaller than a pack of gum and I can put all of MY music on it and take it to the gym or to work or wherever. No more sharing with him. Yeah! I do wish he'd consider taking me shopping, though. He went through my closet and dumped a bunch of stuff (I was kind of hoping he'd dump more, since I'm incapable of weeding things out) and I need some nice replacements. And he does dress me better than I dress myself. We'll see.

Breakfast has been an egg and kidney beans. Not exciting, but good for working out. I haven't been as good on my eating as I should be - it's the stress, but I'm slowly getting better.