The Biggest Loser

I got up this morning with the intention of going to the casting call for The Biggest Loser. I had watched the show on Wednesday and had convinced myself that it was the perfect and only thing for me. I wanted the isolation and forced workouts in order to lose the 40 lbs I gained last year.

Casting started at 10am, but I was going to be there at 8. Well, by the time I got myself ready and got gas in the Vespa, it was 9 before I drove up to NBC studio. The line of people was down the block and around the corner. I drove down the street, looking at all the fat people standing there and just kept going. I couldn't make myself join that line and say to the world that I was too lazy or weak to do for myself what the tv show would do, or that I had already done once. Plus, it's not the real world and no matter what happens there, you still have to go back to your life and deal with all of that. I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain anything - I have to do this the right way and go step by step, knowing in the end that it was all me.

So I went to my Weight Watchers meeting instead. I weighed in, but asked the woman not to tell me what the scale said. I think I need to not focus on the numbers for a while (the husband already hid or threw out our scale at home). And I'm meeting with a trainer next week sometime. So I'm back in the saddle again. I've got to stop giving food a moral value and just think of it in terms of points. I can eat whatever I want if I stay within my points - there's no such thing as cheating anymore. Don't wish me luck, wish me good health.